I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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