You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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