bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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