I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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