im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
