I faked an abortion last night.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
