I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
