After last night, I could never be a politician.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
