I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
