What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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