Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize