I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
