She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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