I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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