if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
