I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
