This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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