So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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