so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
