My nipple is on Facebook.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
