I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize