I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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