dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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