i may or may not be watching the land before time
cat food counts as protein by the way
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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