Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
