one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
