Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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