I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
