I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
