She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize