I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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