It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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