The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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