do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Your cock deserves a montage
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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