yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize