Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
