i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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