It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
bring money and cleavage
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
