I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
