This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
