I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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