everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
