then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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