apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize