Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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