My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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