if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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