I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You may now shotgun with the bride
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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