Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize