tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
