Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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