Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize