so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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