the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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