I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
