if you like me you must not know who I am
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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