..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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