About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
