He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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