I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
