Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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