i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Couch. On fire.
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