just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
