I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
