it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
