Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
