I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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