pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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