it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
