i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
