Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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