Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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