im drinking this country out of the recession.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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