yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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