Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
