Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
