If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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