and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
