I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
