mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want a musical about memes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
