please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
