Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
