Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
