she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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