is wine microwaveable?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
