I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
