: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
